How to introduce your wife or girlfriend to BDSM.
Ever wanted to make your sex life more full of leather? Do you want to give or receive spankings? This is: How to introduce your wife or girlfriend to BDSM. A quick, easy way to jumpstart your journey into the kinky world of BDSM. And if you are interested in dominating your woman sexually, the odds are in your favor that she will be open to it. Because, more than 65% of women fantasize about being dominated sexually by some form of BDSM.
Nearly 65 percent of women fantasize about being dominated sexually, according to a survey of more than 1,000 people that was published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. There’s a reason 50 Shades of Grey made such an impact!
Dating Coach, Channa Bromley.
FYI, this article is written from male who wants to be in a dominate role with his female partner in a Dom/sub relationship. Similarly, you could take these prompts and reverse engineer them for a female or male who wants to be a submissive in a Dom/sub relationship.
The Scenario.
You and your partner have been in a committed relationship for several years now. Recently, you have developed an interest in BDSM and have been exploring it on your own. However, you want to take your sexual experiences to the next level by introducing your wife or girlfriend to the world of BDSM. You want to create a safe and consensual environment where both of you can explore your desires and fantasies together.
Have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Bring up your interest in BDSM and your desire to introduce it into your sexual relationship. You want to approach the topic sensitively and make sure that she feels comfortable and respected throughout the process.
A Dom is short for dominant, aka the more aggressive person during a consensual BDSM scenario. A Dom might derive sexual pleasure from activities where they are in control of their submissive partner’s climax through forced orgasms, ruined orgasms, or orgasm denial.
CARINA HSIEH AND GIGI ENGLE, Cosmopolitan 4/27/2023
Setting the stage.
Have a quiet and intimate evening at home or a quiet date with your partner. The main thing is you want an environment where the two of you can be relaxed and talk. You want to be able to have some calm conversations with your partner in an environment that she will be comfortable in. Maybe you can cook her favorite dinner. Depending on your partner’s disposition about porn, you could watch some BDSM porn and ask her what she thinks about it? Or you could buy her some BDSM sex toys as an ice-breaker and see how she reacts.
Expressing your desires.
Open up about your interest in BDSM and explain why it appeals to you. But before you even attempt to express your desires, you should become clear about what they are and what level of kink you want. Read books on the subject. Educate yourself so you can be a better dom if that is what you want to be in your relationship.
Addressing concerns.
Assure your partner that BDSM is about trust, communication, and consent, and that you prioritize her comfort and boundaries above all else. You can assure her better if you educate yourself first. What is consensual non-consent?
Consensual non-consent is a discussion around consent to engage in a power or dominating sexual act between two or more people that will play out as though it is nonconsensual. It is a type of role-play between two people where they are enacting a scenario where non-consensual sex is happening, though the act is ultimately consensual.
Chelsea Twiss, LP, PhD
Creating a safe space.
Discuss the importance of establishing clear boundaries. Boundaries are so important in building trust in a BDSM relationship. Boundaries are put into two categories: hard and soft boundaries. Hard boundaries are a strict no go for your partner, but soft boundaries could be explored carefully. For example, my girlfriend has expressed she will not go down, or give another man a blow job, that is a hard boundary for her. She has also expressed that she doesn’t want to have anal sex, usually, but not always. Anal sex is a soft boundary for her. It’s not now but not never. Don’t cross soft boundaries without concent or you may have some very unpleasant circumstances.
Create that safe space where both of you can talk about your sexual desires and not be judged or criticized. Including not being judged if either of you does not want to participate in a certain kink or fetish.
Ideally, both partners should sit down and have a discussion about what their “hard” and “soft” boundaries are. The “hard” boundaries are the untouchables, while the “soft” boundaries are ones that can be pushed with the agreement that the other partner will be uncomfortable to begin with.
ReproCo
She must know that she can use a safe word if things are getting too over whelming. The submissive mus trust completely in her Dom to make BDSM work well. He or she must know that the Dom will act in the sub’s best interest.
Exploring her desires.
Encourage your partner to share her thoughts and fantasies, letting her know that her desires are equally important. You both should look online to what events or groups are available in your area. Consider creating Fetlife.com profiles. On websites like Fetlife, you can see other profiles and learn about other aspects of BDSM that you may want to experience.
- Educating yourselves: You suggest resources, such as books or workshops, to learn more about BDSM together and deepen your understanding.
- Taking it slow: You emphasize the need to start slowly, with small steps. You don’t have to dive into heavy BDSM. Constantly check in with each other along the way. Ask her how did that experience feel to you?
- Reassuring love and support: You express your unwavering love, support, and commitment to your partner, ensuring her that your desire for BDSM does not change your emotional connection.
